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She said you wouldn't because you gave your word. I laughed at the idea that your word meant anything. That enraged her. So we made a deal. She wanted me to eat my words. If you passed your English class I would buy you a car. But if you failed, then I wanted something of significant value, something you could stack up against the thousands of dollars that a car would cost. Honestly I got a bargain. She was so earnest and sincere in her faith in her son that she sold her dignity cheap. We agreed if you failed that she would become my slave for the entire two months that you were gone. So that the moment we dropped you off at the airport, she agreed to forego any independent freedoms without expressed permission. The first thing I did was revoke her freedom to speak. Only animal noises. Grunts. Oinks. You know. See why she was so spaced out when you came home? She hadn't spoken in eight weeks. In fact, she hadn't received any respect in that time really. She had agreed to be my. Sometimes - fortunately not often - Julia seems to mistake me for a girl. It takes me five minutes, tops, to get ready. The logic of my position was unassailable, but I have learned a couple of things about girls. The first was not to use logic on them. (For those of you who're curious, the second is that if you accidentally breach Rule#1, the best thing to do is immediately apologize and ask their forgiveness. Do NOT - and this is VERY important - do NOT point out that they're being illogical. Yes, I know that logic is by its very nature above personal issues, but you do NOT use it on a girl. They don't appreciate logic, hate it being forced on them, and nearly always take your use of it as a very personal insult. Hence if you do accidentally breach Rule#1, Rule#2 is to apologize profusely.)So I jumped to my feet, saying, "Thank goodness you're back. I was getting worried that I was running out of time and I'd have to choose what to wear myself. Quick, tell me what I should.
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